Now what seems like a lifetime ago, life was simple. I loved life and loved people and something I enjoyed most was the diversity in both. I had friends of all types and all walks of life. Granted, some were closer than others, deeper and truer, while others were passing and more superficial. But the point is, I enjoyed each and every friendship and the impact that it had on my experience no matter how temporary or enduring. And in retrospect, the one thing I took for granted was how easy it was to find and enjoy these friends...
Today. As the last decade literally BLEW by, I take mental inventory of my life and friendships and am astonished at the changes that have happened while I apparently wasn't paying attention. So what have I learned? Two life changes (marriage and children) totally change the friendship experience. When it was just me, I could be friends with anyone... and the only ones that could say how far that friendship would take us were said friend and myself.
before...
SWF seeking friendship. Male or female accepted. All religious and social affiliations appreciated, but like-minded a bonus. Location not a factor as I am willing to travel.
add a ring and some vows and suddenly I became....
MWF seeking friendship. Couples preferred. Will accept singles, but males makes it a bit awkward on road trips. Both parties in the couple must be of sound mind and equally enjoyable. (We all have the couple friends that have an obvious "better half" who is more pleasant to be around and the other you would admittedly prefer to take their time parking the car.)
add a couple of tiny people into the mix and BAM! I'm...
MWFWK seeking friendship. Singles welcome but must be able to tolerate little kids oozing all sorts of bodily fluids and asking an incredibly enormous amount of questions, sudden changes in plans, not finishing a conversation and overall chaos without warning. Couples preferred. Similar interests a bonus. Both parties must be compatible with the two of us. Kids appreciated, preferably the same ages and genders as ours, although babysitting age would be greatly valued. Similar or extremely compatible religious and social affiliations would be greatly appreciated as I'm just too tired to argue these issues right now. Living close by not a requirement, but a huge plus as we are working around 4 schedules not including yours. Like-minded parenting a must. Smokers, vegans (I'm not trying to pick out tiny bacon pieces from a salad for you), crazies, non-disciplinarians and swingers need not apply.
So to my friends (and you know who you are), whether you're single, married or married with children and whether you're new or have hung on through the chapters with me... thank you... truly... thank you. Oh and please don't leave me because the vetting process is way too difficult and I'm way too tired to try to make new friends.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I Need A Hero
I do. Need one. But at very least, I suppose that I want to believe that there is one.
As I've grown up and out of my childhood fantasies of marrying Prince Charming, being a professional Ice Capades ice skater and living in a house made of cheese, I've come to realize that my perception of what a hero is has changed dramatically. No longer do I envision a spandex clad superhero swooping in at the last second, rescuing the damsel/kitten/elevator full of innocents only to wave, smile for some photo ops and disappear off into the sunset on his horse, web or Batmobile. I don't even imagine the suave James Bond, shaken (not stirred) martini in hand, helping the young (and always attractive) lady just long enough for a quick roll in the hay, all the while imparting his witty little one-liners to whomever will listen.
Nope. Those aren't heroes, those are distractions. All of the showiness and the huge, daring feats have their place, but once the crowd dies down and the mess is cleaned up, what are you left with? A man in spandex, ready to vanish without warning to the next crisis. In his attempt to save the world, you are left alone watching and waiting for his next grand entrance, not knowing when or if there will be one.
So then what is a hero? And this is what I answer... A hero says what he means and means what he says. A hero tells you the truth even when you want him to shut up, holds your hair when you throw up, and gives you the one good reason not to give up. A hero makes you want to be better and helps you figure out how to make that happen. A hero steps out of his comfort zone and learns how to feel comfortable in yours. A hero is the first to say I'm sorry and the last to say something that he knows he'll regret. A hero realizes the impact he has on those around him everyday and doesn't take that responsibility lightly. A hero under promises and over delivers. A hero doesn't wander in and out of your life, he is there days, weeks, months and years whether he's appreciated or not, because there's no where else he'd rather be.
Thank you. For knowing I was the one for you the moment we met. For your insight. For your friendship. For your omelets. For teaching me quadratic equations. For sharing your last name with me. For wearing pink princess band aides because two little girls put them on so lovingly. For being the anchor to my sail. For your graphs, spreadsheets and percentages. For your great big smile. For knowing that I'm a wild fire and choosing to continually fan the flames.
Thank you for being a hero... my hero.
As I've grown up and out of my childhood fantasies of marrying Prince Charming, being a professional Ice Capades ice skater and living in a house made of cheese, I've come to realize that my perception of what a hero is has changed dramatically. No longer do I envision a spandex clad superhero swooping in at the last second, rescuing the damsel/kitten/elevator full of innocents only to wave, smile for some photo ops and disappear off into the sunset on his horse, web or Batmobile. I don't even imagine the suave James Bond, shaken (not stirred) martini in hand, helping the young (and always attractive) lady just long enough for a quick roll in the hay, all the while imparting his witty little one-liners to whomever will listen.
Nope. Those aren't heroes, those are distractions. All of the showiness and the huge, daring feats have their place, but once the crowd dies down and the mess is cleaned up, what are you left with? A man in spandex, ready to vanish without warning to the next crisis. In his attempt to save the world, you are left alone watching and waiting for his next grand entrance, not knowing when or if there will be one.
So then what is a hero? And this is what I answer... A hero says what he means and means what he says. A hero tells you the truth even when you want him to shut up, holds your hair when you throw up, and gives you the one good reason not to give up. A hero makes you want to be better and helps you figure out how to make that happen. A hero steps out of his comfort zone and learns how to feel comfortable in yours. A hero is the first to say I'm sorry and the last to say something that he knows he'll regret. A hero realizes the impact he has on those around him everyday and doesn't take that responsibility lightly. A hero under promises and over delivers. A hero doesn't wander in and out of your life, he is there days, weeks, months and years whether he's appreciated or not, because there's no where else he'd rather be.
Thank you. For knowing I was the one for you the moment we met. For your insight. For your friendship. For your omelets. For teaching me quadratic equations. For sharing your last name with me. For wearing pink princess band aides because two little girls put them on so lovingly. For being the anchor to my sail. For your graphs, spreadsheets and percentages. For your great big smile. For knowing that I'm a wild fire and choosing to continually fan the flames.
Thank you for being a hero... my hero.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
I smell money.
The smell of money is fascinating to me. I'm not talking about the grimy $10 bill, crumpled in a pocket or the wad of ones caressingly slipped into "Velvet's" g-string. I'm talking money with a capital M. For me, distinguishing the unique and individual scents that comprise its smell is done in a similar fashion to distinguishing the fragrances of a full-bodied red wine. Just as I slowly inhale the rich scent of a deep merlot and am able to pick out its distinct hints of oak, grapes and nuts, I am able to close my eyes and identify some of the individual and complicated aromas that together become the smell of money.
Arriving at a girls' night out last night a little early, I found myself sitting and waiting at a rather upscale restaurant and thinking to myself, "I smell money." I knew the smell in an instant and immediately closed my eyes and began to recall other times I had the same olfactory experience. Inhale....leather. Leather bags, leather shoes, leather belts, leather wallets and leather interiors. Inhale....Chanel. No. 5, Mademoiselle, Coco and Allure. Inhale...meat. Prime rib, fillet mignon, Kobe, shrimp and lobster. Inhale....insecurity. Not having the newest one, the best one, the most coveted one. Inhale...exhaustion. Working, blood, sweat and tears, for what? Inhale.....emptiness. Buying, collecting, hoarding things that will not withstand the test of time. Inhale....jealousy. Of colleagues, ex's, trophy wives, friends and enemies.
It was last night it occurred to me the smell of money and the smell of wine share a commonness... a wonderfully, delicious aroma with bitter and fermented undertones.
Arriving at a girls' night out last night a little early, I found myself sitting and waiting at a rather upscale restaurant and thinking to myself, "I smell money." I knew the smell in an instant and immediately closed my eyes and began to recall other times I had the same olfactory experience. Inhale....leather. Leather bags, leather shoes, leather belts, leather wallets and leather interiors. Inhale....Chanel. No. 5, Mademoiselle, Coco and Allure. Inhale...meat. Prime rib, fillet mignon, Kobe, shrimp and lobster. Inhale....insecurity. Not having the newest one, the best one, the most coveted one. Inhale...exhaustion. Working, blood, sweat and tears, for what? Inhale.....emptiness. Buying, collecting, hoarding things that will not withstand the test of time. Inhale....jealousy. Of colleagues, ex's, trophy wives, friends and enemies.
It was last night it occurred to me the smell of money and the smell of wine share a commonness... a wonderfully, delicious aroma with bitter and fermented undertones.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Strange Relationship
"You're such a part of who I am,
please don't disappear," you say
But you're the one who always vanishes
and goes so far away.
And again I stand in disbelief,
holding broken heart in hand.
Bleeding, wrestling, racking my mind
trying to understand.
Your love and our connection draw me in,
not just part, but all.
But as quickly as you come, you go
before you have chance to fall.
Time after time and page after page
we do this very dance,
Who we are stays in place, the change?
our circumstance.
And now that we've nowhere to go,
your safety net's in place.
You know you will never give in to the need,
you will always have your space.
I'll never be "the one" for here,
now something I know for sure,
But this masochistic addiction I have,
remains without a cure.
So I'll soak and bask in every second we have,
until you suddenly grow cold.
And then again I'll patiently wait
for "forever" to unfold.
But this time when you leave,
and I know you will,
Please run fast and far and then
run further still.
And with you take my memory
of every loving tragedy
and all the promises you kept or broke
and all the passion you felt or spoke.
And when my heart heals again,
and I begin anew,
Congratulations...I'll continue being Mrs. Him
while she'll go on being Mrs. You.
please don't disappear," you say
But you're the one who always vanishes
and goes so far away.
And again I stand in disbelief,
holding broken heart in hand.
Bleeding, wrestling, racking my mind
trying to understand.
Your love and our connection draw me in,
not just part, but all.
But as quickly as you come, you go
before you have chance to fall.
Time after time and page after page
we do this very dance,
Who we are stays in place, the change?
our circumstance.
And now that we've nowhere to go,
your safety net's in place.
You know you will never give in to the need,
you will always have your space.
I'll never be "the one" for here,
now something I know for sure,
But this masochistic addiction I have,
remains without a cure.
So I'll soak and bask in every second we have,
until you suddenly grow cold.
And then again I'll patiently wait
for "forever" to unfold.
But this time when you leave,
and I know you will,
Please run fast and far and then
run further still.
And with you take my memory
of every loving tragedy
and all the promises you kept or broke
and all the passion you felt or spoke.
And when my heart heals again,
and I begin anew,
Congratulations...I'll continue being Mrs. Him
while she'll go on being Mrs. You.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Funny facts about me... by Cody
Sometimes when you forget who you are, it's good to have someone who really knows... remind you.
At least nine interesting facts about Tava (also some precautions) by Cody
1) 4 out of 5 doctors would put her in a psych ward--the other guy is not really a doctor.
2) If personality is a sapling, Tava is an oak.
3) Tava likes gold and silver because they're shiny...in a pinch try tinfoil.
4) She learned to talk from a sailor in a panama city hump-hump bar.
5) Tava can cook anything without a recipe, yet never the same thing twice.
6) If Tava complains, she is likely moments from the emergency room.
7) The song 'wind beneath my wings' is terrible and has nothing to do with her.
8) Tava puts everyone at ease, unless she is bored...seriously...watch out.
9) Tava could be a professional anything, as long as it only required a 40-45 second attention span.
10) She once stood in for the wife of the prime minister of Paraguay and even the PM didn't realize it.
11) More people casually tell Tava she is gorgeous than other other girl west of Kentucky, but it's all just part of an elaborate real-estate scheme.
12) No matter how cold it is in Antarctica, Tava's hair is an effective oven.
13) Tava has trouble remembering the 134th digit of Pi.
14) She is devoutly moral and intelligent, but has a tendency to falter and watch FoxNews.
15) Tava is confused why the wadded up $5 bill in her bra wasn't accepted at the Korean market.
16) Tava once threw rotten pears at Tom Daschle and only felt a little bad.
17) Every once in a while, Tava could use a good cigarette, even though she has never smoked.
18) Because of several years of home-schooling, Tava cannot differentiate between "mac and cheese" and "tortellini".
19) Tava loves a good book, especially one that will occupy M and O for an entire morning.
20) The phrase "fight fire with fire" can be attributed to merchants in Beijing struggling to keep up with her nearly Jewish bartering skills.
21) Tava is safe for kids- 7 active ingredients with all natural preservatives.
22) She will halt the launch of her missile in exchange for oil, rice and a good merlot.23) In celebration of Dominican Independence day, a special edition of Tava
should be on the shelves this Christmas.
24) Tava is not responsible for daylight savings, and she always sets her watch to Swaziland local time--just in case of an emergency.
25) If you rearrange the letters of Tava’s full name you get- “Jumbalaya stained my left nipple”…trust me on that one.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I'm a Taurus, but I eat ribs, play pool and flip-flop like a gemini...
As much as I adore having the opportunity to be a stay at home mom without the consequences of abject poverty, I must admit that the days of complete thoughts let alone sentences have vanished into a distant time... along with some of my sanity and all of my ripped jeans from the 80's. That being said, one of the few selfish pleasures that I have (writing in this blog) doesn't get the attention that I believe it deserves. It isn't that blogworthy and interesting things don't happen or that I don't embark on mental excursions on which I would like to include you all... it's just that the end of my day usually involves some version of staring blankly at a wall often times with drool oozing from the side of my mouth trying to disengage Elmo, primary-colored legos, and the reasons that eating Play Dough is bad from the ever-shrinking gray matter in my head. So, on the days/weeks/months that I can't piece together a completely coherent blog, I will share with you the inner workings of my mind... displayed by tangents, fragments, rants and ravings... just the way they frolic around in my mind...
1. Crayola colored bath tablets are AWESOME.... although when the girls add yellow, it just looks like a bathtub full of pee.
2. The left lane is for PASSING...not camping out in 10 miles under the speed limit.
3. Hot wings are messy, difficult to eat and you can't get that smell off of your fingers for an entire day.
4. I don't know how the world was populated after Adam and Eve were banned from the Garden of Eden.
5. The "Gusher" fruit snacks really "gush" and therefore shouldn't be given to children or served when it's hot.
6. Listening to Jellyfish, Sade or Jesse Cook while I cook is just not the same when I have two toddlers...no matter how hard I pretend.
7. When you are in the Sand Dunes, do NOT use diaper cream. Orion's behind appeared to have a sugar/cinnamon coating on it and sand as she learned that fateful day...is abrasive.
8. Orion's new phrase is, "I did it!" which she yells at the top of her lungs whenever she does anything... pooping, playing, eating, biting her sister... And after she bites her sister, I say, "Orion, don't bite. What do you say to M.?" to which she responds, "Thank you."
9. M., who is no stranger to the spoken word, comes up with all sorts of good one liners. Here are a few samples:
Greeting her daddy at the door after work, "Hey Big Guy! Do I have some hickups for you!"
"Mommy, does your back hurt, because my booty sure does."
After spinning around a number of times and tumbling to the floor, "Mommy, I got really, really busy!"
"Mommy, you don't like Barack Obama and I don't like Bill O'Reilly....why don't you like Barack Obama?"
Almost every morning she comes into my bedroom, "Mommy, it's a BEAUTIFUL day." And when she says that, it always is.
10. This is just one of many reasons that it's fun to have two girls...
1. Crayola colored bath tablets are AWESOME.... although when the girls add yellow, it just looks like a bathtub full of pee.
2. The left lane is for PASSING...not camping out in 10 miles under the speed limit.
3. Hot wings are messy, difficult to eat and you can't get that smell off of your fingers for an entire day.
4. I don't know how the world was populated after Adam and Eve were banned from the Garden of Eden.
5. The "Gusher" fruit snacks really "gush" and therefore shouldn't be given to children or served when it's hot.
6. Listening to Jellyfish, Sade or Jesse Cook while I cook is just not the same when I have two toddlers...no matter how hard I pretend.
7. When you are in the Sand Dunes, do NOT use diaper cream. Orion's behind appeared to have a sugar/cinnamon coating on it and sand as she learned that fateful day...is abrasive.
8. Orion's new phrase is, "I did it!" which she yells at the top of her lungs whenever she does anything... pooping, playing, eating, biting her sister... And after she bites her sister, I say, "Orion, don't bite. What do you say to M.?" to which she responds, "Thank you."
9. M., who is no stranger to the spoken word, comes up with all sorts of good one liners. Here are a few samples:
Greeting her daddy at the door after work, "Hey Big Guy! Do I have some hickups for you!"
"Mommy, does your back hurt, because my booty sure does."
After spinning around a number of times and tumbling to the floor, "Mommy, I got really, really busy!"
"Mommy, you don't like Barack Obama and I don't like Bill O'Reilly....why don't you like Barack Obama?"
Almost every morning she comes into my bedroom, "Mommy, it's a BEAUTIFUL day." And when she says that, it always is.
10. This is just one of many reasons that it's fun to have two girls...
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