The smell of money is fascinating to me. I'm not talking about the grimy $10 bill, crumpled in a pocket or the wad of ones caressingly slipped into "Velvet's" g-string. I'm talking money with a capital M. For me, distinguishing the unique and individual scents that comprise its smell is done in a similar fashion to distinguishing the fragrances of a full-bodied red wine. Just as I slowly inhale the rich scent of a deep merlot and am able to pick out its distinct hints of oak, grapes and nuts, I am able to close my eyes and identify some of the individual and complicated aromas that together become the smell of money.
Arriving at a girls' night out last night a little early, I found myself sitting and waiting at a rather upscale restaurant and thinking to myself, "I smell money." I knew the smell in an instant and immediately closed my eyes and began to recall other times I had the same olfactory experience. Inhale....leather. Leather bags, leather shoes, leather belts, leather wallets and leather interiors. Inhale....Chanel. No. 5, Mademoiselle, Coco and Allure. Inhale...meat. Prime rib, fillet mignon, Kobe, shrimp and lobster. Inhale....insecurity. Not having the newest one, the best one, the most coveted one. Inhale...exhaustion. Working, blood, sweat and tears, for what? Inhale.....emptiness. Buying, collecting, hoarding things that will not withstand the test of time. Inhale....jealousy. Of colleagues, ex's, trophy wives, friends and enemies.
It was last night it occurred to me the smell of money and the smell of wine share a commonness... a wonderfully, delicious aroma with bitter and fermented undertones.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Strange Relationship
"You're such a part of who I am,
please don't disappear," you say
But you're the one who always vanishes
and goes so far away.
And again I stand in disbelief,
holding broken heart in hand.
Bleeding, wrestling, racking my mind
trying to understand.
Your love and our connection draw me in,
not just part, but all.
But as quickly as you come, you go
before you have chance to fall.
Time after time and page after page
we do this very dance,
Who we are stays in place, the change?
our circumstance.
And now that we've nowhere to go,
your safety net's in place.
You know you will never give in to the need,
you will always have your space.
I'll never be "the one" for here,
now something I know for sure,
But this masochistic addiction I have,
remains without a cure.
So I'll soak and bask in every second we have,
until you suddenly grow cold.
And then again I'll patiently wait
for "forever" to unfold.
But this time when you leave,
and I know you will,
Please run fast and far and then
run further still.
And with you take my memory
of every loving tragedy
and all the promises you kept or broke
and all the passion you felt or spoke.
And when my heart heals again,
and I begin anew,
Congratulations...I'll continue being Mrs. Him
while she'll go on being Mrs. You.
please don't disappear," you say
But you're the one who always vanishes
and goes so far away.
And again I stand in disbelief,
holding broken heart in hand.
Bleeding, wrestling, racking my mind
trying to understand.
Your love and our connection draw me in,
not just part, but all.
But as quickly as you come, you go
before you have chance to fall.
Time after time and page after page
we do this very dance,
Who we are stays in place, the change?
our circumstance.
And now that we've nowhere to go,
your safety net's in place.
You know you will never give in to the need,
you will always have your space.
I'll never be "the one" for here,
now something I know for sure,
But this masochistic addiction I have,
remains without a cure.
So I'll soak and bask in every second we have,
until you suddenly grow cold.
And then again I'll patiently wait
for "forever" to unfold.
But this time when you leave,
and I know you will,
Please run fast and far and then
run further still.
And with you take my memory
of every loving tragedy
and all the promises you kept or broke
and all the passion you felt or spoke.
And when my heart heals again,
and I begin anew,
Congratulations...I'll continue being Mrs. Him
while she'll go on being Mrs. You.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Funny facts about me... by Cody
Sometimes when you forget who you are, it's good to have someone who really knows... remind you.
At least nine interesting facts about Tava (also some precautions) by Cody
1) 4 out of 5 doctors would put her in a psych ward--the other guy is not really a doctor.
2) If personality is a sapling, Tava is an oak.
3) Tava likes gold and silver because they're shiny...in a pinch try tinfoil.
4) She learned to talk from a sailor in a panama city hump-hump bar.
5) Tava can cook anything without a recipe, yet never the same thing twice.
6) If Tava complains, she is likely moments from the emergency room.
7) The song 'wind beneath my wings' is terrible and has nothing to do with her.
8) Tava puts everyone at ease, unless she is bored...seriously...watch out.
9) Tava could be a professional anything, as long as it only required a 40-45 second attention span.
10) She once stood in for the wife of the prime minister of Paraguay and even the PM didn't realize it.
11) More people casually tell Tava she is gorgeous than other other girl west of Kentucky, but it's all just part of an elaborate real-estate scheme.
12) No matter how cold it is in Antarctica, Tava's hair is an effective oven.
13) Tava has trouble remembering the 134th digit of Pi.
14) She is devoutly moral and intelligent, but has a tendency to falter and watch FoxNews.
15) Tava is confused why the wadded up $5 bill in her bra wasn't accepted at the Korean market.
16) Tava once threw rotten pears at Tom Daschle and only felt a little bad.
17) Every once in a while, Tava could use a good cigarette, even though she has never smoked.
18) Because of several years of home-schooling, Tava cannot differentiate between "mac and cheese" and "tortellini".
19) Tava loves a good book, especially one that will occupy M and O for an entire morning.
20) The phrase "fight fire with fire" can be attributed to merchants in Beijing struggling to keep up with her nearly Jewish bartering skills.
21) Tava is safe for kids- 7 active ingredients with all natural preservatives.
22) She will halt the launch of her missile in exchange for oil, rice and a good merlot.23) In celebration of Dominican Independence day, a special edition of Tava
should be on the shelves this Christmas.
24) Tava is not responsible for daylight savings, and she always sets her watch to Swaziland local time--just in case of an emergency.
25) If you rearrange the letters of Tava’s full name you get- “Jumbalaya stained my left nipple”…trust me on that one.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I'm a Taurus, but I eat ribs, play pool and flip-flop like a gemini...
As much as I adore having the opportunity to be a stay at home mom without the consequences of abject poverty, I must admit that the days of complete thoughts let alone sentences have vanished into a distant time... along with some of my sanity and all of my ripped jeans from the 80's. That being said, one of the few selfish pleasures that I have (writing in this blog) doesn't get the attention that I believe it deserves. It isn't that blogworthy and interesting things don't happen or that I don't embark on mental excursions on which I would like to include you all... it's just that the end of my day usually involves some version of staring blankly at a wall often times with drool oozing from the side of my mouth trying to disengage Elmo, primary-colored legos, and the reasons that eating Play Dough is bad from the ever-shrinking gray matter in my head. So, on the days/weeks/months that I can't piece together a completely coherent blog, I will share with you the inner workings of my mind... displayed by tangents, fragments, rants and ravings... just the way they frolic around in my mind...
1. Crayola colored bath tablets are AWESOME.... although when the girls add yellow, it just looks like a bathtub full of pee.
2. The left lane is for PASSING...not camping out in 10 miles under the speed limit.
3. Hot wings are messy, difficult to eat and you can't get that smell off of your fingers for an entire day.
4. I don't know how the world was populated after Adam and Eve were banned from the Garden of Eden.
5. The "Gusher" fruit snacks really "gush" and therefore shouldn't be given to children or served when it's hot.
6. Listening to Jellyfish, Sade or Jesse Cook while I cook is just not the same when I have two toddlers...no matter how hard I pretend.
7. When you are in the Sand Dunes, do NOT use diaper cream. Orion's behind appeared to have a sugar/cinnamon coating on it and sand as she learned that fateful day...is abrasive.
8. Orion's new phrase is, "I did it!" which she yells at the top of her lungs whenever she does anything... pooping, playing, eating, biting her sister... And after she bites her sister, I say, "Orion, don't bite. What do you say to M.?" to which she responds, "Thank you."
9. M., who is no stranger to the spoken word, comes up with all sorts of good one liners. Here are a few samples:
Greeting her daddy at the door after work, "Hey Big Guy! Do I have some hickups for you!"
"Mommy, does your back hurt, because my booty sure does."
After spinning around a number of times and tumbling to the floor, "Mommy, I got really, really busy!"
"Mommy, you don't like Barack Obama and I don't like Bill O'Reilly....why don't you like Barack Obama?"
Almost every morning she comes into my bedroom, "Mommy, it's a BEAUTIFUL day." And when she says that, it always is.
10. This is just one of many reasons that it's fun to have two girls...
1. Crayola colored bath tablets are AWESOME.... although when the girls add yellow, it just looks like a bathtub full of pee.
2. The left lane is for PASSING...not camping out in 10 miles under the speed limit.
3. Hot wings are messy, difficult to eat and you can't get that smell off of your fingers for an entire day.
4. I don't know how the world was populated after Adam and Eve were banned from the Garden of Eden.
5. The "Gusher" fruit snacks really "gush" and therefore shouldn't be given to children or served when it's hot.
6. Listening to Jellyfish, Sade or Jesse Cook while I cook is just not the same when I have two toddlers...no matter how hard I pretend.
7. When you are in the Sand Dunes, do NOT use diaper cream. Orion's behind appeared to have a sugar/cinnamon coating on it and sand as she learned that fateful day...is abrasive.
8. Orion's new phrase is, "I did it!" which she yells at the top of her lungs whenever she does anything... pooping, playing, eating, biting her sister... And after she bites her sister, I say, "Orion, don't bite. What do you say to M.?" to which she responds, "Thank you."
9. M., who is no stranger to the spoken word, comes up with all sorts of good one liners. Here are a few samples:
Greeting her daddy at the door after work, "Hey Big Guy! Do I have some hickups for you!"
"Mommy, does your back hurt, because my booty sure does."
After spinning around a number of times and tumbling to the floor, "Mommy, I got really, really busy!"
"Mommy, you don't like Barack Obama and I don't like Bill O'Reilly....why don't you like Barack Obama?"
Almost every morning she comes into my bedroom, "Mommy, it's a BEAUTIFUL day." And when she says that, it always is.
10. This is just one of many reasons that it's fun to have two girls...
dumb luck
Dumb luck is in my opinion, the best kind. The kind that you don't wish for, plan for or hope for...the kind that just shows up in your life unannounced and often times unappreciated. So, in honor of St. Patrick and all that his day has come to mean and the fact that I've clearly walked booty backwards into a pot of gold, I am humbled and am hugely aware of all my dumb luck...
I'm lucky to have been born in a country which I adore and to have had the opportunity to explore its depth and breadth from sea to shining sea. I'm lucky to have friends who always make me laugh, and friends that have always been with me when life's punches make me cry. I'm lucky to have been afforded an education, and I'm lucky to be able to stay at home and "mommy". I'm lucky to have a love who not only tolerates my "idiosyncrasies" but finds them attractive or amusing...(very lucky). I'm lucky to be able to view the vast expanse of the heavens right outside my front door. I'm lucky that my two little beauties are healthy and rambunctious. I'm lucky to have been given choices that have ended in success and ones that have enriched my character. I'm lucky to have seen the "big picture" at a very young age. But above all, I'm lucky to know that the great fortunes of my life have not been dependent upon a charm, a clover or a horseshoe, but instead a Creator whose warm showers of love and grace cover even undeserving me. I'm lucky to know that my dumb luck isn't luck at all...
Lucky me.
I'm lucky to have been born in a country which I adore and to have had the opportunity to explore its depth and breadth from sea to shining sea. I'm lucky to have friends who always make me laugh, and friends that have always been with me when life's punches make me cry. I'm lucky to have been afforded an education, and I'm lucky to be able to stay at home and "mommy". I'm lucky to have a love who not only tolerates my "idiosyncrasies" but finds them attractive or amusing...(very lucky). I'm lucky to be able to view the vast expanse of the heavens right outside my front door. I'm lucky that my two little beauties are healthy and rambunctious. I'm lucky to have been given choices that have ended in success and ones that have enriched my character. I'm lucky to have seen the "big picture" at a very young age. But above all, I'm lucky to know that the great fortunes of my life have not been dependent upon a charm, a clover or a horseshoe, but instead a Creator whose warm showers of love and grace cover even undeserving me. I'm lucky to know that my dumb luck isn't luck at all...
Lucky me.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
A Rose by Any Other Name.
Now that winter is drawing to an end here in the Sonoran Desert, (and by winter, I mean it took at least 40 additional minutes to brew my sun tea) I guess I have come to terms with a few things that have been vexing me for awhile now. Not just little things either, like the fact that I will never be able to properly fold a fitted sheet, (unless you consider the appearance of a gigantic piece of wadded up gum properly folded) I'll never be able to spell bougainvillea (the pretty bush with the bright flowers) by memory, but I will without a doubt always go for the cheap haircuts even though the range of results varies a great deal. I just can't spend that much money on hair that recovers from any wrongdoing in a matter of weeks. As it turns out, I can accept these things. I can live with a closet filled with clean, crisply folded sheets on one side and huge pieces of wadded up cotton (600 count I might add). I can function nicely without spelling the "b" word-afterall how many times have I ever actually needed to spell that word? I can even rock the bi-level/90-10 haircut every few months if it means saving that much money. What I'm having trouble letting go is something much worse....something I've brought upon myself and my daughters.
When I became pregnant with my first daughter, there was no question what her handle would be. I've thought Rhapsody was a beautiful word for years and the meaning would be even more fitting for a daughter that I would love to mother. Rhapsody: an effusively or ecstatic expression of feeling... The "M." came later in my pregnancy when I realized that I would be giving a person whom I had never met a lifelong name that they would need to grow into. A name is an important thing to give...and I wanted it be a thoughtful name of which she could be honored and answer to proudly. I decided that once she knew who she really was, she could come up with the name that encapsulated those characteristics...the only stipulation was that it had to start with the letter 'M,' which in my opinion is one of the most beautiful letters and flowed nicely into Rhapsody and frankly, lots of words start with 'M' so it would give her enough choices. There it was M. Rhapsody Musial... fun to say, fun to write, fun to ponder what the M. would ultimately come to stand for in her own time. I took some heat, some strange looks and comments, one of my favorites being, "That's ridiculous" but in the end I felt that it was a small price to pay for something so important. Considering what teasing kids might come up with and how it would look in Broadway lights, I thought I had covered all bases. Nope. Totally overlooked the initials. You know, on every form in your whole life- you have to put first name, middle initial.... so what once was a beautiful, melodic and feminine name was now butchered and destroyed to MR Musial. Perfect. Sorry Lady Bug. When her social security card showed up in the mail, Jay thought it was addressed to him.
When I found out that I was expecting another daughter, I was at a loss. I didn't think I would have more than one child in the first place, always thought I'd have boys, and used up the best and only girl name I had ever thought of. What did that mean? Jay's turn? But then what would she end up being called up to on her graduation day from Harvard Law? Louise Galactica? Tequila Petrone? Tava Jr.? I love my name, but it's mine. She needed her own and it had to be good. My final cut was J. Lyric... went well with M. and was also melodic and to tell you the truth, I'm hoping for a singer. This time, the 'J' would be after her Daddy. Maybe if I gave her his name, she'd grow to have some of the many traits I've learned to admire. Jay liked the idea of having her named after him, but Lyric? Not so much. Since we both love the nighttime firmament and all of its splendor, it wasn't difficult to assume that we would agree on a name from the heavens. But when you start looking into star names, Alpha Centauri, Procyon and Fomalhaut just aren't that fitting for bouncing baby girls, unless they happen to be from the planet Romulus. Likewise the name xy4986l.203 wasn't what either of us had in mind. At a little boy's birthday party, Jay decided on Orion, one of the most beautiful and most recognizable constellations in the heavens combined with Jai, a feminine version of the name of one of my most favorite people...hmmm. I liked it. Fast forward to now when people constantly pronounce Orion Jai- OR-EEE-UN HIGH (as in Jai Alai, I suppose) and proceed to look for a little boy instead of a little girl. Well, not exactly what I had expected, but would work itself out in time...however, don't get me STARTED on how many people have never heard of the constellation Orion... Anyway, it didn't take long for me to realize in naming this little one, I had DONE IT AGAIN!! Her initials... O.J. Not so heavenly...
Well, it is what it is I suppose. I acquiesce. On the upside, my friend told me last night that they've both really grown into their names. That being said, I think I'll take MR. Musial and "The Juice" to the park before naptime.
When I became pregnant with my first daughter, there was no question what her handle would be. I've thought Rhapsody was a beautiful word for years and the meaning would be even more fitting for a daughter that I would love to mother. Rhapsody: an effusively or ecstatic expression of feeling... The "M." came later in my pregnancy when I realized that I would be giving a person whom I had never met a lifelong name that they would need to grow into. A name is an important thing to give...and I wanted it be a thoughtful name of which she could be honored and answer to proudly. I decided that once she knew who she really was, she could come up with the name that encapsulated those characteristics...the only stipulation was that it had to start with the letter 'M,' which in my opinion is one of the most beautiful letters and flowed nicely into Rhapsody and frankly, lots of words start with 'M' so it would give her enough choices. There it was M. Rhapsody Musial... fun to say, fun to write, fun to ponder what the M. would ultimately come to stand for in her own time. I took some heat, some strange looks and comments, one of my favorites being, "That's ridiculous" but in the end I felt that it was a small price to pay for something so important. Considering what teasing kids might come up with and how it would look in Broadway lights, I thought I had covered all bases. Nope. Totally overlooked the initials. You know, on every form in your whole life- you have to put first name, middle initial.... so what once was a beautiful, melodic and feminine name was now butchered and destroyed to MR Musial. Perfect. Sorry Lady Bug. When her social security card showed up in the mail, Jay thought it was addressed to him.
When I found out that I was expecting another daughter, I was at a loss. I didn't think I would have more than one child in the first place, always thought I'd have boys, and used up the best and only girl name I had ever thought of. What did that mean? Jay's turn? But then what would she end up being called up to on her graduation day from Harvard Law? Louise Galactica? Tequila Petrone? Tava Jr.? I love my name, but it's mine. She needed her own and it had to be good. My final cut was J. Lyric... went well with M. and was also melodic and to tell you the truth, I'm hoping for a singer. This time, the 'J' would be after her Daddy. Maybe if I gave her his name, she'd grow to have some of the many traits I've learned to admire. Jay liked the idea of having her named after him, but Lyric? Not so much. Since we both love the nighttime firmament and all of its splendor, it wasn't difficult to assume that we would agree on a name from the heavens. But when you start looking into star names, Alpha Centauri, Procyon and Fomalhaut just aren't that fitting for bouncing baby girls, unless they happen to be from the planet Romulus. Likewise the name xy4986l.203 wasn't what either of us had in mind. At a little boy's birthday party, Jay decided on Orion, one of the most beautiful and most recognizable constellations in the heavens combined with Jai, a feminine version of the name of one of my most favorite people...hmmm. I liked it. Fast forward to now when people constantly pronounce Orion Jai- OR-EEE-UN HIGH (as in Jai Alai, I suppose) and proceed to look for a little boy instead of a little girl. Well, not exactly what I had expected, but would work itself out in time...however, don't get me STARTED on how many people have never heard of the constellation Orion... Anyway, it didn't take long for me to realize in naming this little one, I had DONE IT AGAIN!! Her initials... O.J. Not so heavenly...
Well, it is what it is I suppose. I acquiesce. On the upside, my friend told me last night that they've both really grown into their names. That being said, I think I'll take MR. Musial and "The Juice" to the park before naptime.
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